Doctor Austin to retire

  

Doctor Austin
Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies
1996 - 2014

To all my students,

The time has come for me to retire as Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies. I want to thank each and every one of you for giving me the honour of teaching you about a subject I care so very passionately about. I have been so fortunate to have such a brilliant career, it has been wonderful. I know that all of you will carry on the study of Zombies and Zombieism, and take it to places I could only dream of. There are further details of my retirement in the official press release below.

I know the Institute is in safe hands, and will continue to deliver you all an excellent dose of Zombie Science.

Stay safe out there,

Doctor Austin

PRESS RELEASE

Issued: 18/08/2014

For Immediate Release

WORLD-RENOWNED THEORETICAL ZOMBIOLOGIST DOCTOR AUSTIN RETIRES

World-renowned Theoretical Zombiologist Doctor Austin is to retire from his post as Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies, at the University of Glasgow, on Monday the 25th of August 2014. Appointed in 1996, Doctor Austin has been responsible for the development of the Prion Zombieism Theorem as well as the Institute’s public engagement programme. The latter took the form of the spoof lectures and tutorials, Zombie Science 1Z, Worst Case Scenario and Brain of the Dead. Supported by the charity Wellcome Trust, these events have been seen by over 40,000 people since their inception in 2010. Two of these shows are currently taking place at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 

 

Doctor Austin has worked extensively on the subject of Zombiology, spending time researching Kuru in Papua New Guinea during the 1960s and studying variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease in the 1990s. As Head of the Institute he has taken awareness of Zombieism to an all time high. Of his decision to retire, Doctor Austin has said, ‘I have enjoyed every moment of my time at the Zombie Institute and have been humbled to work alongside a lot of truly wonderful people. I am particularly proud of the public engagement programme through which I met so many interesting and varied individuals. I’ve always believed that science isn’t for a select few, it’s for everyone, and that’s what drove me during my years touring the world.’

The University of Glasgow have yet to announce a successor for the Institute, which first opened on campus in 1803. Doctor Austin has stated that he will remain on as Zombiologist Royal to Her Majesty the Queen, until such time as an appropriate replacement is selected.

Doctor Austin will present his final public lectures at the Edinburgh Fringe, every night until the 25th of August. The sixty minute shows’, Zombie Science: Brain of the Dead and Worst Case Scenario adopt Doctor Austin's unique combination of comedy and science. Worst Case Scenario sees the audience make decisions on dealing with a Zombie outbreak. The choices they make alter the outcome - meaning no two shows are ever the same. Brain of the Dead allows the audience to experience life as a Zombie.

Asked about this, and his future plans, the Doctor said, ‘the Fringe is a brilliant way to end my career, it’s a fascinating place, full of terrifically talented people. I have spent my whole life exploring strange environments, and this is no exception. But after a long time on the move I look forward to spending my retirement with my family and allowing the next generation to push the study of Zombiology to exciting new levels.’

Notes to Editors

About Doctor Austin;

Doctor Austin is a Theoretical Zombiologist at the University of Glasgow and has been Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies since 1996. His theories on Zombieism have been published worldwide in publications as diverse as The Times, The Guardian (Las Vegas), The Daily Mail, Playboy (Russia), The Zombie Times and The Metro. Doctor Austin has appeared on the BBC, Sirius XM (USA), RTE Television (Ireland) and is the author of Zombie Science 1Z, a guidebook to the science of the undead, first published in 2010.  

Lecture Details;

Zombie Science: Brain of the Dead – Edinburgh Fringe 2014

18th - 25th August at 7.10pm (1hr)

Tickets: £6.50 - £10.50

C Venues, Adam House, Chambers Street, EH1 1HR

Fringe Venue 34

C Venue Box Office: 0845 260 123 / www.cthefestival.com

Fringe Box Office: 0131 226 0026 / www.edfringe.com

Zombie Science: Worst Case Scenario – Edinburgh Fringe 2014

18th - 25th August at 10pm (1hr)

Tickets: £6.50 - £10.50

C Venues, Adam House, Chambers Street, EH1 1HR

Fringe Venue 34

C Venue Box Office: 0845 260 123 / www.cthefestival.com

Fringe Box Office: 0131 226 0026 / www.edfringe.com

Web Links;

www.zombiescience.co.uk

www.facebook.com/zombiescience

@ZombieScience1Z

  

##Ends##

Doctor Austin with Her Majesty the Queen

Zombies - Fast Vs. Slow

Good day Zombiology Students and thanks for stopping by the ZomBlog.

The release of the Zombie epic ‘World War Z’ has reignited the debate on whether the undead would move with the shambling strength of a Glaswegian on a Friday night, or strafe the apocalyptic landscape like a decomposing Usain Bolt.

It's still preferable to a budget airline

In today’s ZomBlog I’m not going to explore the issue from the ‘what makes a good film’ perspective, but rather examine what science can contribute to the debate.

Let’s begin by exploring how a disease, like Zombieism, could create the staggering, slow moving monster we encounter in so many undead incarnations.

There are two main areas of the human brain that control movement and coordination. These are the cerebellum and basal ganglia.

The cerebellum essentially tunes and refines our movements. Imagine you are learning to balance on a board placed on a ball. You'll likely tip forward or backward, and have to lean to adjust your body to correct your balance. As you perform and repeat this action your cerebellum is learning, and with enough practice you will be able to get your balance quickly.

This elephant's cerebellum has mad skillz

If this area is affected by a disorder you will have a wider stance as you attempt to balance. When you try to walk you could easily fall and when trying to perform an action, such as touching your nose with your finger, you will often miss.

The basal ganglia are responsible for selecting a particular movement, or a series of movements. When you decide to give someone a 'high five' the basal ganglia prevent you from wiggling your leg at the same time you raise your hand.

If the basal ganglia are damaged you may become slow to begin making movement. For example if I throw a ball to you, it will have bounced off your face before you even begin raising your hand and once the movement has started you will be slow in carrying it out.

You know when you've be basal ganglia-ed

Therefore we can conclude that if the Zombieism disease is damaging or impairing the aforementioned areas of the the brain it will produce in humans an unsteady and slow Zombie-like walk.  

How then could a disease evoke the opposite effect, giving us unrelenting, fast moving Zombies?

When we face a dangerous situation, inside our brain, the hypothalamus activates, sending a chemical signal to the adrenal glands which are next to your kidneys. These glands produce adrenalin, which is to the human body what spinach is to Popeye. Fuelled by adrenalin our blood flows more easily to our muscles, bringing more oxygen with it, ultimately letting them work at heightened levels. This gives us the ability to perform actions, like running fast, slightly better than we normally would. Rather than gaining a new ability, it simply expands on what we already have. But these fits of speed are short lived as within a few minutes the body begins to return to a more normal state.

But what if we continued in this state, would that give us the unrelenting abilities of the fast Zombie? Not for long, as we’d enter a state of exhaustion, damaging our immune systems and increasing our chance of having a heart attack. Simply put, the body would run out of steam.

So in reality would a disease that causes Zombieism be more likely to give us a fast or slow Zombie? The answer, for now, has to be - slow.

My personal thoughts on the debate summed up by a meme

Disease itself means, ‘a disordered or incorrectly functioning organ, part, structure, or system of the body’. A disease makes us worse than we are normally, it doesn’t improve us. I for one am particularly bad at running so it is unlikely that contracting a massively debilitating disease like Zombieism would suddenly give me Olympic level speed. Although if Usain Bolt contracted Zombieism I would be a little bit worried.

First I break a world record - then I eat your face

Of course, we’re dealing with Zombies from the perspective of science. In the fictional worlds of Zombie films, TV shows, games and books it may well be something ‘supernatural’  that gives them these amazing abilities. Couple that with the wonderful ways diseases are changing in our world and perhaps one day science will give us those terrifying fast moving ghouls.

If you have a question about the undead please get in touch with me in the comments section below, and don’t forget to visit our Book of Faces (www.facebook.com/zombiescience). I’m ready, waiting, and willing to answer your questions right here on the ZomBlog.

Take care out there,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

Are Zombies Real?

A warm welcome to all of you fine Zombiology Students.

As I travel the UK delivering our new tutorial Zombie Science: Worst Case Scenario I find myself regularly being asked one question in particular, ‘are Zombies real?’

Whilst this question may seem to evoke a simple yes or no answer, it is actually a little more complicated than that.

I hope it's a yes, otherwise I'll be looking pretty stupid right now...

Certainly the Zombies (dead human bodies reanimated with an unending desire to consume flesh and the ability to transform those they bite) that populate the world of television, films, comics and games do not presently exist in the real world.

However that doesn’t preclude them from ever existing. There are many agents capable of causing disease including viruses, bacteria, parasites and rogue prions. Whilst none of these produce all the symptoms found in a fictional Zombie it is important to remember that these agents are always changing.

Think for a moment of the flu. We’ve all had it at least once, but it’s far more likely you’ve had it several times. It is caused by the influenza virus, and like Lady Gaga it’s always changing. As with all living things the virus makes small mistakes, called mutations, each time it reproduces. In every generation there are slight differences and overtime these differences build up. The fancy term for this process in ‘antigenic drift’ and this is why scientists have to continually update and change flu vaccines, to try and keep up with changes in the virus.

From this example we can see how a virus can change. Who is to say that at some point in the future a virus might change enough to produce an illness that matches the fictional version of Zombieism?

Now remember, I said this wasn’t a simple question.

Zombies are real and do exist, there’s even a law banning them from being created – although they’re not like those you’ve seen on the silver screen.

Don’t believe me? Then let’s travel to the Caribbean country of Haiti, as ethnobotanist Wade Davis did over 25 years ago. Here we find a deeply spiritual culture with a deep belief in the existence of Zombies – albeit far from the Zombies of Romero or Kirkman.

Let’s say you’re Haitian and you’ve got a family dispute. Perhaps your brother borrowed your wife, or your Gran keeps asking you to explain the internet – how do you resolve it? Simple, get the local sorcerer to turn them into a Zombie slave – problem solved!

To the Bingo? Eh, yeah, of course we are Gran.

That’s precisely what is believed to have occurred there as Wade Davis discovered. Through meetings with these sorcerers (known as Bokors) Davis managed to acquire samples of their Zombie powder. Analysis revealed the presence of a range of substances including one in particular; Tetrodotoxin. Found in species of puffer fish this toxin is one of the deadliest poisons known to humanity. However if administered in small doses it doesn’t cause death but rather gives one the appearance of being dead via paralysis, the slowing down of body functions, and the like.

Now which one is the Zombie Powder and which one is the Paprika?

The Bokor would place the Zombie powder in an unsuspecting victim’s shoes, down their back or generally anywhere where it would come in contact with the skin, nose, and throat. The victim would appear to progress toward death, eventually fooling people that they were indeed dead, and be buried.   

The Bokor and his minions would then exhume the victim and feed them another concoction designed to keep them somewhat ‘out of it’, so that they wouldn’t attempt to escape or talk back. Many claim these Zombies were then put to work as slaves, but how useful they’d be in performing even a basic task is debateable.   
As I mentioned earlier, creating a Zombie in Haiti is illegal, as article 246 of the Haitian penal code states:

It shall also be qualified as attempted murder the employment which may be made against any person of substances which, without causing actual death, produce a lethargic coma more or less prolonged. If, after the person had been buried, the act shall be considered murder no matter what result follows.

So as we have seen, ‘are Zombies real?’ is a hard question to answer, but I’ll try and make it as simple as possible. The answer is yes, and no.

If you want to know anything about the real science behind Zombies, do send your questions in to info@zombiescience.co.uk or post them in our Book of Faces (www.facebook.com/zombiescience).

Just remember to stay on good terms with your family if you ever find yourself in Haiti,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

See the Zombie Science: Worst Case Scenario tutorial –

Brighton Science Festival 2013:
Date: Sunday 10th February 2013
Times: 5.30pm & 7.30pm
Venue: Sallis Benney Theatre, 58-67 Grand Parade, Brighton, BN2 0JY
Tickets: Visit Brighton Science Festival’s Official Website 

Glasgow International Comedy Festival
Date: Monday 18th March 2013
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: The Stand Comedy Club, Woodlands Road, Glasgow, Scotland
Tickets: Visit the festival’s official website

Zombies versus Vampires

Welcome back Zombiology Students,

It’s a busy time here at the Zombie Institute. We’ve just finished developing a brand new tutorial Worst Case Scenario that premiered at the London Horror Festival during Halloween. Right now our team are organising a UK tour so do keep your eyes peeled for that. This has meant I’ve had less time to write articles for the ZomBlog, but I’m making up for it now by finally completing this Zombies versus Vampires blog to which many of you contributed your thoughts.  

As you’re no doubt aware this year saw countless news stories appearing relating to cannibalistic attacks. These stories have inspired the term ‘Zombie Summer’ and are almost always cited as being indicative of Zombies, leading many to believe that a Zombie outbreak is in progress, or at the very least, building up steam. In a previous blog I discussed this, and to reiterate, they are not Zombie-like at all. However, whilst talking with my friends at the Zombie Shop, they made an interesting point, “...was there an influx of 'real' vampire attacks after the release of 'Interview with a [sic] Vampire'?”

Before we start, can I get you a drink? No. Wait. I meant something to eat. Damn it! It's the Murdoch interview all over again!

Has the prevalence of the Zombie genre (e.g. The Walking Dead, Zombie events, walks, etc) caused reporters to become obsessed, and see Zombies everywhere? If so, why hasn’t the Twilight series created a similar pattern for Vampires? Or as Zombie Shop point out, did Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire evoke such a response when it was published, or again when adapted as film?

It’s important to state here that I am not examining ‘real’ Vampire stories, those that pertain to describe the exploits of a mythical being who feeds on blood. I for one am not an expert in Vampirology. I am merely looking for news stories that attribute unusual assaults/murders to Vampires, or set these stories in that context.

Interview with the Vampire was published in 1976, and the later film adaption in 1994. During my research I couldn’t locate many reports of Vampire-like attacks following either of these periods.

This may be due to the lack of Internet, it was a simpler time, where not every news story was posted online and kept available until the end of the universe. However, in 1998, 22 year old Joshua Rudiger ran around the streets of San Francisco slashing homeless victim’s throats and drinking their blood. He claimed to be a 2,000 year old Vampire, and a Samurai.  

There are a wide range of such stories available in the 21st century, amazingly some very recent stories are far more extreme than that of the Miami Cannibal. Yet we haven’t seemed to have heard of them.

Take the case in Florida of Josephine Smith, a 22 year old woman. In September 2011 she viciously attacked an elderly homeless man, biting chunks of flesh from his face, lips, and arms. Her final words before beginning the assault were, “I am a vampire, I am going to eat you.” When arrested Smith claimed to have no recollection of the attack. This story is very similar to the recent Miami Cannibal case. The victim in both instances was a homeless person, both involved biting, and both attackers carried out the attack naked. Yet this story apparently failed to capture the public’s eye. Smith wasn’t even deemed worthy of her own nickname as the ‘Florida Vampire’ or even ‘Bitey Lady’.

And this is by no means the only one;

May, 2006: A 15 year old girl attacked three classmates in New York, slashing their throats, biting them, and attempting to drink their blood. The ‘vampire’ was charged with second degree assault as a minor and released. Read in full: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/12547-vampire-girl-attacks-classmates

December, 2010: A 20 year old in Alabama attempted to burn a ‘V’ into a teenager’s forehead, the arresting Detective described him as, “a want-to-be vampire”. Read in full: 

http://www.emirates247.com/offbeat/crazy-world/man-claims-he-s-a-vampire-2010-12-10-1.327469

August, 2011: An 18 year old man appeared in court accused of, amongst other things, cutting young woman, biting them, and telling them he was a vampire. Read in full:

http://www.journaltimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/article_e09b91ea-bc90-11e0-9421-001cc4c002e0.html

August, 2011: A 19 year old Texas man, who claimed to be a 500 year old vampire (from Hell), broke into a woman’s apartment and bit her, then fled shouting that he, “didn’t want to have to feed on humans”. Read in full:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/texas-man-bites-woman-claims-vampire/story?id=14315864#.UAl4nrSe68A  

June, 2012: A San Diego man with ‘vampire teeth’ was arrested for attacking a 55 year old homeless man. Read in full:

http://www.pakalertpress.com/2012/06/12/man-with-vampire-teeth-attacks-homeless-man/

I'm often mistaken for R-Patz

June, 2012: In Denver a woman was arrested after attacking two people in a convenience store, groping and biting one man, then biting the female cashier. Read in full:

http://www.emirates247.com/news/woman-jailed-for-vampire-like-assaults-2012-06-24-1.464211

A notable difference between these stories and their Zombie counterparts is tone. When reading the Vampire stories it’s obvious that they don’t paint the ‘Vampire’ as being real, but rather as an (often) disturbed person. Yet many of the Zombie articles cite the incidents as being clear proof that a Zombie is real and that a ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ is beginning.       

A fellow Zombie researcher, Louise, had an interesting perspective:

Eating human flesh, particularly the face, in public places is a bit more terrifying than draining blood in public. Plus, those acting like 'zombies' seem unconscious of what they're doing, whereas the 'vampires' are probably very conscious of their actions ... which, to me, make it a little more scary.

Another student of mine, Mike, had this to say:

The main issue is the background of each of the two types of story, vampiric behaviour has always been seen as erotic, personal, and this is why people are attracted to the whole vampire thing due to books and movies. The vampire has lost its ‘darkness’ and is more acceptable now as such the media likes is shock value and that's why the ‘zombie’ stories still loom large in the media. There is nothing sexy about eating someone’s face.

However, fans of the film Zombie Strippers may disagree with the last sentence.  

Ultimately I haven’t determined a single reason as to why assault stories framed as ‘Zombie Attacks’ are more prominent and have a tendency to go wildly viral compared to those described as ‘Vampire Attacks’. But I do like the following idea from one of my top students, Flora, on how we can make the Zombie a more attractive story in the press:

Zombies lack the glamorous image the press likes to promote, but do get the 'shock, horror, yuk' response. Redress the balance by getting Gok to do a zombie make-over, thus making them appear more on-trend and ask Alistair Campbell to do some negative spin about the more gruesome vampire activity, showing them in their worst possible light in a Sunday newspaper expose. Suddenly zombies will be the ones to get the positive headlines and vampires will be so last year they won't get a mention, except in a short disparaging paragraph on page 10.

I'll leave you with this brain tickler from the enigmatic Philosoraptor...

If any of you out there want to know anything about the real science behind zombies, do send your questions to info@zombiescience.co.uk or post them in our Book of Faces (www.facebook.com/zombiescience).

The truth may well be out there,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.  

Face Off

Good day Zombie Science Fans,

In the past few weeks the world has been buzzing with stories of potential zombie incidents. Only last week I was on US radio reassuring my American cousin’s that they are safe, and have had many requests to explain what’s going on via the old Book of Faces.

The body of Mr. Rudy (naked) and his victim Mr. Poppo.

It all began with a chap in Miami USA, who spent almost 20 minutes eating a homeless man’s face before being shot dead by police. From there the floodgates opened, not a day passed without someone eating someone’s something, and journalists attributing it all as evidence that the zombie apocalypse is nigh.

Now, no one more than I would welcome the arrival of zombies. Mostly because if they remain theoretical I will have wasted my entire scientific career. But also because it would make it easier for our Institute to acquire research funding.

So are these incidents indicative of Zombieism spreading amongst the population?

No.

And here’s why.

Journalists regularly use the word zombie in their articles to sell more papers, zombie-banks, zombie-youth, zombie-countries, etc. In fact I’ve written about this in a previous blog. It amazes me, given what we know of the industry, that people still believe anything that’s written in a newspaper. But that’s away from the subject.

If we put zombie in the headline twice we'll sell double the amount. Throw in our integrity too. 

The three main ‘supposed zombie’ stories cited have been; Eugene Rudy AKA the Miami Cannibal, who ate up to 75% of the homeless Mr. Poppo’s face before police stopped him, the Baltimore student who murdered his housemate and ate parts of his brain and heart, and lastly, the Hackensack man who stabbed himself dozens of times and threw his protruding intestines, as well as pieces of skin, at the SWAT Team who arrived to help him.

Sack, right, not slash. My bad. Let me wipe those intestines off. Officer.

Now we can certainly understand where the zombie angle comes from for the first case, it maybe just works for the second, but certainly not the third.

In the Miami case the attacker showed no regard for wearing clothing, consumed his victim raw, did not respond when talked to, and did not demonstrate self-preservation (ignoring the officer’s request to desist or be shot). These are all behaviours a true zombie may have.

The second case is tenuous at best. The murder may or may not have been premeditated, but the keeping of the body parts most certainly was a conscious choice. Zombies do not have the mental capacity to plan or carry out such a scenario.

The third case is definitely disturbing, but hardly zombie like. A zombie would struggle to use a weapon, has little interest in self-harm, and doesn’t have the coordination to throw an object.

So if the cause isn’t Zombieism, what is it?

There are a variety of possibilities. The Miami Cannibal was thought to have been high on a designer drug called ‘bath salts’. The effects of this drug are consistent with his behaviour, high temperature (leading to removal of clothing), hallucinations, and violent behaviour. However this has not yet been corroborated by toxicology reports.

Man, I'm so high right now.

The second case was one of pure cannibalism. Cannibalism is in itself a mystery. We do not know what makes some people choose to eat other people. We have yet to identify anything in the brain, damage or otherwise, that can explain why it happens. You won’t find cannibalism in any psychiatric handbook or any instances of it being a defence for the behaviour in court.

Lastly, the third case was carried out by someone who had a history of mental problems.

In conclusion, none of these events provide us with any evidence to support the arrival of the Zombieism disease.

Many people are citing bath salts as being a drug that makes people into zombies. However there have been countless bath salt fuelled incidents reported; such as a man who broke into a random family’s house and put up their Christmas decorations, or, another man who was found wearing women’s lingerie, standing over the body of a dead goat. These tales just scratch the surface of ‘high on bath salts’ news stories. Yet it is only the ones that can be vaguely pinned on Zombieism that get the same attention as that of the Miami Cannibal.

So the next time you read something discussing a supposed incidence of Zombieism, check the source. If it has been written by a journalist and not a zombiologist and/or scientist, you may want to pass it directly to my colleague, Mr. Shredder (the appliance, not the Turtles baddie).

Ha ha Doctor Austin, I'm where all those manuscripts you send to Brian Cox end up!

If any of you out there want to know anything about the real science behind zombies, do send your questions in to info@zombiescience.co.uk or post them on our Facebook page (www.facebook.com/zombiescience).

The truth may well be out there,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

  

For even more Zombie Science pick up the official Zombie Science book on Amazon now. 

   

     

     

Hypothetical Hunger

Welcome once again Zombiology Students,

I was contacted by Albert who asked me the following;

“Say there was a zombie apocalypse and all humans were eradicated.  What would the zombies do after they have eaten all the human brains and (as far as I know) depleted their only source of nutrients?  Is there any knowledge regarding this topic?  They wouldn't just starve themselves out, would they?”

But we haven't thought about food security, not one meeting.

Before I can answer it we must first establish some points about Zombieism. Regular visitors will be aware of our Institute’s current Zombieism research and can skip this section, but for those of you not familiar with it, read on. Here at the ZITS we believe that zombie’s will most likely be caused by a new type of prion disease, similar to vCJD AKA human mad cow disease. Unlike movie zombies, sufferers will not eat only human flesh or brains, but any food source they come across. In fact there is presently nothing that can occur in a human to make them only want to eat human flesh or brains. Genuine Zombieism is highly unlikely to make a person become clinically dead, then return to life, referred to in fiction as undead. They would in reality be a human who has contracted an illness with specific symptoms. They would not live indefinitely, but wither and die as the disease progressed. How long that would take very much depends on the causal agent.  Furthermore, prion disease is very rare in humans, to date there have been less than 200 cases of vCJD, so at the moment it is very unlikely we will reach a scenario whereby there were no humans left who were not infected.

Of course there is no guarantee that Zombieism will be the result of a prion disease, it might be a new strain of virus or a previously unseen parasite. So to answer Albert’s question we can widen our net to include these biological agents. The fact that you are alive and reading this means that there has not yet been a disease that has wiped out the human race, or left only infected humans, unless such a disease occurred a very long time ago to a different species of Homo genus.   

The Homo Simponus perhaps ...?

If we look at the most deadly disease pandemics that have occurred we can try and seek a comparison. The Spanish Flu may be the deadliest pandemic in history, with somewhere between 20 – 200 million people dying because of it. Then there is the infamous bubonic plague that throughout its history has claimed the lives of some 200 million victims. Now whilst these diseases have produced a tremendous loss of life it is worth bearing in mind that the human population is presently just over seven billion. So Zombieism would have to be particularly vicious to turn us all.

But let’s think hypothetically, say Zombieism did spread to the entire population of the world, how long would the food supply last? We produce around seven billion tons of food each year. If everyone in the world has succumbed to Zombieism, it is safe to say no one will be producing any more. It is very difficult to get exact figures to work with here. It is hard to know how much food is readily accessible to the zombies. Some may be in cans they cannot open, and as a zombie isn’t exactly a gourmet chef, they’re going to be going for raw food only. Zombies may also consume each other when they get desperate.

'We've had some times zombie-ing together Bill but I can't take your moaning one minute more'.

The average person/zombie needs between 2,000 – 3,000 calories a day. In 2003, the world produced 2,809 calories per person per day, but by the end of 2006 there was only enough of a reserve to last the world 57 days. I haven’t been able to source data more recent than that, but we could assume that we’re running a careful balance these days whereby we only just keep producing enough food to get by, without having large reserves. So by the time we reached a point where there were only zombies, and no one producing more food, these zombies would run out of food in probably a matter of weeks, maybe even days.

How long the zombies will ultimately survive from there depends on how long the disease takes to kill them, assuming they don’t die of starvation, or dehydration, first. With a prion disease we estimate a person surviving three to six months after full onset. A more aggressive biological agent, like a virus, may act even quicker.

So in conclusion, the answer to the question, ‘what would the zombies do after they have depleted their only source of nutrients’ is ... they would die. However it is unlikely we’d reach a scenario where everybody was infected by Zombieism in the first place, and if we do there’s no need to worry, because you’d soon be dead.

As always, if there is anything you want to know about the real science behind zombies, do get in touch. We’ll always do our best to answer your questions, no matter how difficult or strange. You can contact the Institute at info@zombiescience.co.uk.

Best wishes,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.  

For even more Zombie Science pick up the official Zombie Science book on Amazon now.