Zombies Write! II 'A brief too far'

Welcome to the ZomBlog,

This entry is a wee break from the usual science. I've been participating in the Zombies, Write II writing challenge. Using a prompt from Dan I composed the below story, set in the world of Zombies, Run. 

Please enjoy, 'a brief too far'...   

Runner Five rested her hands on her knees, welcoming the chance to catch her breath. She barely flinched as the gate Warden inspected her sweat soaked body for scratches and bites. It was a procedure to which she'd become long since used to.

'You're clear Five, good to have you back,' the Warden proclaimed with his usual unwavering, cheerful manner. Five nodded and made her way to supply depot.

The contents of her backpack were emptied unceremoniously across the table. Batteries, ammo, pain meds, antibiotics, sports bras, and underwear formed the bulk of the pile. The team got to work sorting. Five did her best to avoid the smirks and stifled laughs.

'A few close calls out there Five?' asked Mike, the head of the storage team, sarcasm dripping from every word.

'No more Zoms than usual', Five replied curtly.

'As long as its just your legs that are running.'

The entire group erupted into fits of laughter. Five scooped up the underwear and bras, stuffed them into her backpack and stormed off.

---

Back at her shack Five was relieved to find no one else around. She reached underneath her bunk and pulled out a battered old tea chest. She popped the lid and swung it open, revealing a cache of underwear and sports bras. She added the new arrivals to the collection and shoved it back out of sight.

'Nice chest Five', came a voice from above.

Startled, Five spun to face it, heart pounding. Sam Yao lay on a top bunk, dog eared copy of the instructions for Darkness & Demons spread across his lap.

'Bite me Sam', snapped Five, and angrily stomped out.

'What? No! I meant the tea chest', Sam called after her.

---

The next day Five stalked the wilderness alone again, well almost. She truly loved the silence, perhaps one of the few positive aspects of the apocalypse. Even the Zombies no longer bothered her. They'd become little more than an inconvenience, she dodged them as one would a fallen tree. 

'I'm about to lose you on the cameras Five.' Sam's voice on her headset snapped her back from her thoughts.

Perfect. Five had been waiting for this opportunity. She pulled off her backpack and undid the buckles. From inside she removed a sports bra and set of underwear.

Behind Five a branch snapped. Slowly a Zombie emerged, stumbling toward Five from between two trees. 

Stuffing the underwear into the cups of the bra Five hooked the strap behind her thumb. With her other hand she grasped the bra between the two cups and stretched it back. Closing one eye she took aim at the incoming Zombie. She steadied her breathing, and began counting down in her head.

Three. Two. One.

Five released her grip. The elastic contracted, sending the underwear hurtling toward the rotting target. The airborne briefs made contact with the Zombie's face, lightly bounced off, and landed on the ground.

Runner 5 cursed to herself.

The Zombie paused briefly, staring at her in what Five thought was a mixture of amusement and confusion. It was as if the Zombie was astounded anyone would do something so pointless and so stupid. No, that was her imagination, Zombies always have that look.

Rummaging in her backpack Five grabbed another pair of boxer shorts. This time she carefully placed them into the bra, open end toward the front.

Five fired again, aiming slightly higher than the Zombie's head.

The boxers flew through the air, almost gliding, in a perfect arc. The wind puffed them partially open, and they descended onto the Zombie's skull. The boxers sat at a jaunty angle. Five laughed quietly to herself. Thank God Sam can't see her, this must look ridiculous.

Satisfied her plan would work, and having got to grips with the method, Five loaded another pair of boxers into the bra. As she steadied her aim she took a step back. Something pressed against the heel of her shoe. Without thinking Five fired her pants based payload just as her world turned upside down.

Five felt as if she were falling in slow motion, gracefully sailing downward, hard ground rising up to meet the back of her head.

Darkness.

When her vision cleared Five was looking up at the Zombie. It towered over her, appearing massive. Five smiled. Sitting neatly upon the Zombie's head were the pair of boxers. Her aim had been spot on. Its eyes were completely covered.

In one fluid motion Five rolled toward her pack and pulled a bat free from its holder. With cat like agility Five rose to her feet and began circling the blinded monster. She was careful not to make a sound. The Zombie kept lurching forward, toward the spot Five had fallen. Wherever Five moved, the Zombie stayed on its original course. Five smiled with satisfaction. Her theory was bang on. There's nothing mystical about how Zombie's hunt. Sight and sound. Like everything else.

'You okay Five?' Sam's voice asked over the headset, laced with concern.

It startled Five, such had been her focus on the task at hand.

'Nothing I can't handle Sam', Five replied.

At the sound of her voice the Zombie began turning, seeking the source. Five moved in front of the Zombie.

'Thanks for your assistance sweetie, you were a big help.'

Five brought her bat firmly down on its head, popping it like a melon.

---

Back in Able Five paced nervously outside the Major's office. Despite the success of her experiment she still remained somewhat hesitant about how her idea would be received. The Major's staccato call echoed from the office, ordering Five in.

Five entered and set the sports bra, with its underwear ammunition, on the desk. She would never forget the bemused look on the Major's face. It alone was worth the risk of being dismissed.

---

Dawn was breaking as the crowd of Able residents assembled in the training area. The Major stepped forward, a hush descended, and she began to address them.

'All of us know too well the challenge we face in combating the Zombie threat. They are an enemy unlike any other the human race has faced. To gain victory, and I am convinced we shall, requires new thinking, unique thinking. I have been presented with a tactical advantage, one we must all learn to master. Runner Five, your demonstration please.'

Five stepped forward, bra and underwear in hand. The supply team, led by Mike, fought to hold back laughter. The mirth infectiously rippled out to the rest of the crowd.

Two of the Major's Officers dragged something through the flaps of the tent. As it came into focus, the laughter ceased immediately. It was a Zombie, writhing forward, straining against its restraints.

'Major are you mental?' A deathly hush came upon the crowd. They strained to eye who had spoken. It was Sam.

Sam became nervous as the looks fell upon him, and added, 'Sir'.

Without even looking at him the Major shot back, 'be silent and watch Mr Yao.'

Every eye was on Five. Controlling her breath she counted down and repeated her skillful shot. The blinded Zombie bumbled around, its putrefying brain unable to figure out why it was blind, its extended arms never considering to simply remove the underwear.

'We have heard many stories', continued the Major, 'the undead are mystical, magical, they have enhanced powers that lead them to find us wherever we hide. The stories are wrong.'

The Zombie was moving toward her voice, as it reached her, the Major casually stepped sideways, and the Zombie crashed into the podium falling with it to the ground.

'Not only has Runner Five proven this today. She has given us a new weapon against the monsters. One that requires no bullets, and little maintenance. Once blinded the Zombies are easily taken down in hand to hand combat.'

Illustrating her point the Major pulled a large combat knife from her waist and sliced into the Zombie's head, nearly parting its entire skull in two. It fell down limp. 

'We owe Runner 5 a debt of gratitude.'

The entire crowd broke into applause. Grudgingly Mike joined in and Five fired him a smug wink. 

As the applause faded out at single hand rose. The Major followed it to its source and let out a heavy sigh.

'Question Mr Yao?'

'Does this mean I have to start going commando?' All eyes turned to him. 'Sir.'

                              ---

Thanks for reading,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

Joining me on the 28th & 29th of October 2013 for the brand new lecture Zombie Science: Brain of the Dead at the London Horror Festival. Book your tickets online or by calling 020 7482 4857. The lecture is part of a 3 year project supported by a Society Award from the Wellcome Trust.

Angry Zombies

Fit like there students, help yourself to a cup of tea and let’s get into today’s ZomBlog.

I’m preparing our new public lecture, Zombie Science: Brain of the Dead, for it’s debut at the London Horror Festival. In this lecture I’ll be delving into the Zombie brain. Today I thought I’d share some insights into a part of the brain called the amygdala, and what its role is in Zombieism.

The amygdala lies deep within the brain and is about the size of an almond. It plays a key role in the display and control of aggression.

During a study involving monkeys, their amygdalae were stimulated electrically. This led to an increase in aggression. The fact that monkeys react angrily to having their brains electrocuted isn't exactly a revelation, but us scientists have to pass the time somehow.

The size of the amygdala is known to correlate with how aggressive a species is. If a male is castrated, the amygdala can shrink by up to 30 percent. This may offer one method of calming down male Zombies, but, as opposed to the head, usually offers a smaller target.

I'm personally uncomfortable just looking at this tool, never mind attempting to use it on a Zombie

A reason that Zombieism may want to manipulate this area, and cause increased aggression, is to help it spread.

Recent research suggests that parasites often take up residence in the amygdala. The parasite, toxoplasma causes the disease, Toxoplasmosis. Its preferred host is a cat however if it infects a mouse or rat, it changes their behaviour to make them attracted to cat odours. This will increase their chance of being eaten by a cat thus placing the parasite in the host it desires.

Unless of course the mouse has a basic understanding of explosives

In a similar way Zombieism could twist the amygdalae to do its bidding by altering Zombie behaviour, making Zombies more likely to bite, and therefore improving the odds the disease will be transferred.

Zombies biting is a bit of a ‘three for the price of one’ bonus. It’s how they breed, feed, and make us humans take heed.

Find out more about the undead brain by joining me on the 28th & 29th of October 2013 for the brand new lecture Zombie Science: Brain of the Dead at the London Horror Festival, find out more here, and book your tickets by calling 020 7482 4857. The lecture is part of a 3 year project supported by a Society Award from the Wellcome Trust.

Don’t forget, if you have a question you’d like me to answer here in the ZomBlog why not leave it as a comment below? Or visit our Book of Faces and ask your question there.

When it comes to the science of Zombies we’ve got it covered, or at the very least, we can make it sound like we do.

Keep up the good work my students,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

Zombie Vs Predator

Ahoy-hoy Zombie Fans, good to have you here for today’s ZomBlog.

Once again I’ll be endeavouring to shine some scientific sense over your Zombiology questions.

The first question we have today is from Lee who asks,

“How do zombies sense their prey? Their eyes are often portrayed as cloudy, so can they see? Can they just 'see' movement? Do they develop other senses, to pick up heat for example? As their infected brains can barely function enough to move their atrophied limbs, how difficult it must be to use barely functioning senses.”

A real Zombie would of course be more like a human being than their fictional counterparts. They’d have the same senses as we do. In movies they are often shown as being super sensitive to smell, noise, and so on. This of course makes for a more dramatic and scary scene, but isn’t based in reality.

The same is true for the eyes. It is creepier to have a Zombie with cloudy, grey, and generally dead eyes. In the book World War Z, one of the characters explains that Zombies don’t blink and their eyes become cloudy as scratches form. 

First we kill the Zombies. Then we kill the spirit of the book.

For us un-undead blinking is an important function. It provides moisture to the eye, allowing us to see nice and clearly. If a human with the Zombie disease didn’t blink, their eyes would dry out, and they would eventually become completely blind.

Real Zombies would be primarily guided by sight and as I mentioned in this previous blog, humans are naturally good at seeing living things compared to inanimate objects.

Unfortunately gaining thermal vision, like the Predator, is out of the realms of possibility for the moment. If we could see the infrared spectrum it would completely overwhelm our eyes.     

Is that the former Governor of California?

So the answer to Lee’s question is that Zombies sense their prey the same way humans do, by seeing, hearing, or smelling them. Lee is right to point out that the damage to their brains is already causing them problems in moving, and in interacting with the world around them. So they’d be utterly terrible at hunting humans - luckily for us!

Next our inquisitive student Nico got back in touch with another question, “What should you do before a zombie crisis ? Buy guns?”

Here at the Zombie Institute we believe that all life is sacred, even Zombie life, and we would never condone or encourage the use of involuntary euthanasia to deal with a Zombieism outbreak. That’s a practice Hitler used, and as a rule, anything Hitler does, we avoid. Tiny mustaches, VW cars, Hugo Boss, etc.

In the event of a Zombie outbreak taking off, there are many excellent government and international agencies who would swoop in to help deal with it. If you look at recent disease outbreaks, Mad Cow Disease, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, and so on, you can see how well they have been dealt with without becoming extreme pandemics akin to the plagues of old.

However, if we take Nico’s question as wondering what to do if, for reasons unknown, the Zombieism disease spreads like we see in fiction there are some things you can do to prepare. As Sun Tzu said, know your enemy. 

All great minds know the work of Sun Tzu. And Paris Hilton, who thinks 'that's hot'

By learning all you can about how diseases work, how to control them, and how to treat them you’ll know how best to proceed. For example, if the disease is viral, swallowing a movie star quantity of antibiotics won’t help a bit. If the disease is spread by a bite, and moves through the body very quickly upon infection, there is little point in chopping off your limbs as a preventative measure. Knowledge is power, and by studying this blog, as well as the information on our Institute website you can begin to get educated. You can also attend our live lectures or tutorials. Find one near you on the Tour Dates section of the website .

There are many excellent guides on the internet to preparing for apocalyptic scenarios, so get researching if you’re concerned. Don’t forget the simple stuff, Zombieland taught us the importance of cardio and I personally love this running app, Zombies Run!. 

I always find sports bras, amazing how these apps know you so well

It has a splendid story intertwined with terrifying Zombie chases. Although, my neighbours have been avoiding me since I began running around shouting about invisible Zombies. And since I got the app too.

So to answer Nico’s question, there are many ways we can prepare for a Zombie disease crisis scenario. But don’t be too scared, here at the Institute we’re looking out for you. As I told the freshman students this week at STD Awareness Day, prevention is better than cure.    

My thanks to Lee and Nico for asking today’s questions. If you have a question you’d like me to answer here in the ZomBlog. Why not leave it as a comment below? Or visit our Book of Faces and ask your question there.

Whatever Zombie knowledge you desire, I’ll do my utmost to oblige.

Take care out there students,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

The brand new lecture Zombie Science: Brain of the Dead is premiering at the London Horror Festival on the 28th & 29th of October 2013, find out more here, (http://www.londonhorrorfestival.com/whats-on/zombie-science-brain-of-the-dead/) and book your tickets by calling 020 7482 4857

Zombieism: Eat, Sex, Poop

Hello there Zombiology Student, it’s great to have you with us at the ZomBlog.

Today we have a terrific trio of Zombie Science questions from some of our students.

First off we have Ida who asks, “Do zombies have a functional digestive system, and do they defecate?”

I love human, but it goes straight through me.

Let’s begin with the first part. In fiction Zombies have a continual craving for human flesh, yet they are said to not require nourishment. Regular visitors will know that here at the Institute we have a different idea of what a real Zombie would be like. First off, we don’t believe Zombies would be ‘undead’ but rather human beings suffering from a disease. Humans have to ingest certain materials which the digestive system processes and turns into energy in order for us to survive . Zombies move around, so they must be using some form of energy. In order to get this energy their bodies must be processing what they eat, therefore they will need to have a functional digestive system.

But do they defecate? Defecation is the last part of the digestion process whereby solid, semi-solid, or liquid waste is eliminated from the digestive tract via the anus. As we have established, Zombies are using their digestive systems and to use an old adage ‘what comes in must go out’. However, the damage a Zombie disease would do to a human brain could cause changes in behaviour. So don’t expect a Zombie to excuse themselves to the bathroom. They’d likely go wherever and whenever they needed to, we should count ourselves lucky that TV and Film has yet to develop smell-o-vision.

Except this Zombie, he has standards.

Next up is Paul who wanted to know, “Can they mate or bear children?”

The answer depends on how we approach the question. A Zombie disease that is spread by biting, akin to Rabies, is contained within saliva and transferred by a bite. The disease increases aggression raising the Zombie’s chances of biting someone, spreading the disease, and therefore creating infected Zombie offspring. So from that perspective, yes they can in a way create more Zombies.

However I believe Paul’s question really relates to whether a human with Zombieism could have intercourse and produce a child the ‘old fashioned way’.

This was the only appropriate 'Zombie Sex' image I could find. I saw things students, things I'll never be able to un-see. 

Surprisingly we have not conducted much research into Zombie Sex. Although in a previous ZomBlog we did answer the question, “If a Zombie bites a pregnant woman, would the baby become infected?” (http://zomblogofficial.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/babies-first-bite.html)

We believe that a Zombie disease would be affecting the human brain in a variety of ways, affecting memories and altering their personalities. This could mean that a Zombie may not be interested in sex, nor able to recall how to do it. Yet there is nothing to say that the biological facilities required to create a baby would be non-functional. If two Zombies did make love, it would be an instinctive behaviour, much like when two animals go at it in the wild. Of course the Zombie’s wouldn’t have hospitals, midwives, and so on. So if a Zombie did become pregnant, once she came to term the baby would simply drop out and without the proper care it is unlikely to survive for long.

A Zombie giving birth is essentially a packed lunch.

Lastly Colin asked, “Why don’t zombies feed on each other in a frenzy?”

This is a question that many have asked when watching Zombie films. A possibility may be that a Zombie is capable of sensing the Zombieism disease by smell, and therefore avoids it in favour of non-infected food. There are countless stories of animals such as dogs and cats being able to detect disease in humans. But, these animals have far superior smelling abilities than humans so it seems unlikely that a Zombie would have such a skill.

Did you hear that World War Z?

Another idea is that the disease may be altering their behaviour in such a way to discourage them from infecting those who already have the disease. There are many parasites who alter their hosts behaviour. When the malaria parasite plasmodium infects a mosquito it initially makes them more cautious and less likely to bite. This provides time for the disease to reproduce in their guts. Afterwards it makes them bite more frequently, and for longer, increasing odds the parasite will spread. Yet once a human becomes infected they give off signals that attract more mosquitoes.

At present we could hypothesize that a Zombie disease is in some way discouraging infected hosts from biting those who are infected. A reason for this would be because its aim is to spread the disease, and to do that it makes more sense to bite someone who is uninfected. But we would need to learn a lot more about Zombieism to provide a definitive answer. This is what makes studying Zombieism so exciting - the unanswered questions!   

My thanks to Ida, Paul, and Colin for their brilliant questions - I hope you are satisfied with the answers.

If you have a question about the undead please get in touch with me in the comments section below, and don’t forget to visit our Book of Faces (www.facebook.com/zombiescience). I’m ready, waiting, and willing to answer your questions right here on the ZomBlog.

Remember in the fight against Zombies the greatest weapon is knowledge, and crossbows, but mainly knowledge.

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

Walking Corpse Syndrome

Hello Zombiology Students and a warm welcome to the ZomBlog.

Today we're looking at Walking Corpse Syndrome, also known as Cotard's Syndrome. This rare mental condition causes people to believe they are dead, putrefying and missing internal organs - essentially Zombieism of the mind.

You have a medical licence right?

Cotard's Syndrome takes its name from French Neurologist Jules Cotard who encountered a patient named, Mademoiselle X (perhaps a relation of Professor X). Mademoiselle X claimed to have no brain, no nerves, no chest, no stomach, and no intestines. She also believed she was immortal and therefore didn't need to eat. She died of starvation.

"I ain't related to no French Bird Bro. They don't even have a word for entrepreneur."

The condition is usually found in patients suffering from depression and schizophrenia - leading many Doctors to see it as a component of these illnesses.

More recently a patient, known only as Graham, was identified with the syndrome. Graham believed his brain had died. Neurologists Adam Zeman at the University of Exeter, UK, and Steven Laureys at the University of Liège in Belgium, met with Graham and took scans of his brain. The type of scan they carried out is called positron emission tomography (PET) and is used to produce detailed, three-dimensional images of the inside of the body. Before being scanned the patient has a radioactive substance passed into their body. The substance gives off gamma waves (a type of radiation) that can be detected by the scanner. The scans taken of Graham were the first ever conducted on someone with Cotard's Syndrome.

A PET Scan. Or maybe this is a CAT Scan. I get them confused.

What they discovered was amazing. The activity in certain areas of his brain was so low it was comparable to someone in a vegetative state.

Laureys explained,

I've been analysing PET scans for 15 years and I've never seen anyone who was on his feet, who was interacting with people, with such an abnormal scan result. Graham's brain function resembles that of someone during anaesthesia or sleep. Seeing this pattern in someone who is awake is quite unique to my knowledge.

Adam Zeman continued, "It seems plausible that the reduced metabolism was giving him this altered experience of the world, and affecting his ability to reason about it."

The condition caused Graham to completely withdraw into himself. He found no pleasure in anything, he stopped eating, speaking and even brushing his teeth. This caused his teeth to turn black, further compounding his feelings that he was dead.

After lengthy psychotherapy and drug treatment Graham gradually recovered. There have been reports that using antidepressants, antipsychotics and mood stabilizers combined with traditional talking therapies have helped those who suffer from the illness.

With being such a rare condition, research into this mysterious syndrome is very limited. Could it be that when Zombies do appear the disease affecting them will induce such a syndrome? Only time will tell.

Keep up your studies and join me again next time for more science behind the undead here on the ZomBlog.

Best wishes,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep, is a Theoretical Zombiologist and Head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies at the University of Glasgow, Scotland UK.

Left: Doctor Austin Right: HRH The Queen