Saturday, 23 October 2010

Why your unlikely to be pursued by a severed Zombie Appendage

It has no doubt crossed your mind that if bitten on a limb by a Zombie the best solution to prevent yourself contracting Zombieism is to remove that appendage with the nearest chainsaw.  

If it worked in Evil Dead 2 or Idle Hands then it's bound to work for you,but it has a downside. In both of these films the limb then reanimated and pursued it's previous owner and friends with a murderous vengeance. (It might also take time out to cup some boobies, according to Idle Hands.)
However the latest research here at the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies indicates otherwise. In most animals, including humans, motor functions are controlled by the brain. It is the command centre sending signals down the spine. There is no replacement or substitute part within the human body. Without creating new motor control areas (brains) within the severed appendages there is no possibility of them becoming ‘alive’ independent of the body. 

It should be noted that if a zombie’s head is severed from its body and the brain is not destroyed the head will still pose a risk. 

Our tests are ongoing but for the moment it seems you are free to lop off body parts safe in the knowledge they won't return to brutally murder you later (or feel up your girlfriend).

Doctor Austin Z.I.T.S is chair of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies and a world renowned Zombiologist 

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