The Ant-ithesis of Zombies

Greetings Zombiology Students,

The ant pictured was later cleared of all charges.

A lot of fuss is being made in the media about a parasite that supposedly creates zombie ants. With zombie fanatics on full alert I thought I’d try to explain some of the real science behind it in this blog. 

The parasite to which they are referring is the extremely difficult to say & spell, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis. It is a parasitic fungus. Parasites are living organisms that use other organisms as hosts. They can be single celled or large enough to see with the naked eye. Countless horrible diseases are caused as a result of them.

O.unilateralis so far affects only ants. This is perhaps the first blow to it making zombies of us humans. Spores infect an ant and the fungus starts to take hold in less than a week. The ant will then begin to exhibit behavioural changes as the fungus exerts control of its brain. It departs its regular home and makes for a specific part of the jungle canopy. This humid spot is coincidently the perfect climate for its new host to grow. Once there our unfortunate ant is forced to bite into a leaf with a final death grip and dies.

Its mission now accomplished the rather gruesome spike shaped fungus spawns out the back of the deceased ant’s head and proceeding to blast out spores ensuring its fungal family live on to infect another day. 

What do you call an ant with a parasitic fungus growing out of it's head? Dead.

Whilst its ability to change the ant’s behaviour and guide it to such a specific spot is fascinating it does not actually compare all that much with Zombieism. Even if you were to encounter an army of millions of these ants they would not pose any kind of threat to you. No matter how many of them spoke with Sylvester Stallone’s voice. You are not the leafy luxury land in which the fungus is seeking to reproduce. The ants will not bite you making you join them in their unholy quest.

While Sylvester Stallone's character in Antz demonstrated no zombie like symptoms the man himself is a different matter.

Even if this nasty parasite could infect us humans it doesn’t really demonstrate any of the symptoms associated with the Zombieism condition. It does give us some change in personality aspects certainly but as yet we’ve never encountered a zombie that reproduced by toppling forward and sprouting a giant mushroom out of its head. No doubt the media attention given to O.unilateraliswill this year will furnish us with that in the near future, and in 3D I’d imagine.

Ultimately Ophiocordyceps unilateralis does not create zombie ants but rather possessed ones. Furthermore this kind of parasitic manipulation has not been seen in humans at present. The media regularly use the zombie card to attract the attention of readers. A practice I cannot condone.

On a side note Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, parasites and more are covered in Zombie Science 1Z the textbook available on Amazon now.

Stay sharp students,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep is head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies and Zombiologist Royal to Her Majesty the Queen

Don’t let Zombie’s cost you an arm and a leg

Fit like Zombiology Students,

I was asked a wonderful question by a pupil at Cleveden Secondary in Glasgow, (note: there was also a cream cake & tablet, affa fine like.), her question was: would amputating a limb after a zombie bite prevent infection?

Amputation in this case would definitely make me the head of the Institute...ho, ho!

Regular students will know we believe the most likely cause of zombies will be a prion disease. But to answer this question we will look at both a potential zombie virus and a zombie prion.

Viruses come in many shapes and sizes. The majority of viruses can be transported round the body in the blood. The red stuff takes around a minute to make a full circuit back to the heart. If your body is undergoing strenuous activity, like fighting off a zombie, the blood would be flowing even faster. Only Bruce Campbell with his chainsaw arm could hope to amputate himself quick enough to prevent infection.

Removing the arm certainly didn't work for poor old Barbara

A rare exception is Rabies where it probably would work.  Rabies travels to the brain along nerves instead of in the blood and this is a much slower process. During an experiment in 1972 mice were injected in the back foot with the Rabies virus. Like humans mice take around three months to succumb to the disease. It was found that amputation of the injected feet up to 18 days after infection was a life saving procedure.

So depending on what type of virus Zombieism was amputation might be an option. But when it comes to rogues prions the situation is somewhat more complex.

Rogue prions are still mysterious creatures to us scientists. There is still debate as to exactly how rogue prions enter the body through digestion and wounds. See the previous blog: Infectious Prions & the Mad Munchies for more on that. 

Dr. Katie White ZITS BSc PhD

One theory suggested by our resident researcher Dr Katie White was: “particular immune system cells might engulf them and then the prions 'replicate' in these, finally the prions spread along nerves to reach the brain.  It’s not thought that they just get into the blood and travel round the body in the circulation.  So I think if there were prions in the saliva of a zombie that bit someone, the transfer of the prions to the brain is going to be fairly slow and inefficient, so yes if you cut off the limb quick enough you would probably be saved from Zombieism.”

To get more a more specific time frame on amputation in this case Dr Kevin O’Dell describes the scientific process:

Dr. Kevin O'Dell ZITS

“It presumably depends on a combination of at least three factors:

A, the rate of spread of the zombie prion within the body (in cm/hour)

B, the quantity of rogue prions entering the wound (measured in prion particles)

C, the position of the bite on the limb (measured in cm as the distance from the bite to the point of severement)

Statistical Zombiologists would use a process called 'statistics' to resolve this issue.

But basically if A and B are large and C is small then removal of a limb is gratuitous.”

Unfortunately the Institute does not have a Statistical Zombiologist on staff. Nor in fact do we know of there ever having been such an academic. If you’re a Statistical Zombiologist or have your own abacus do get in touch.

So the answer to today’s question, would amputating a limb after a zombie bite prevent infection, is both yes and no. It depends on how the Zombieism is being spread. If it is something fast moving that goes via the blood stream it is unlikely you can amputate in time. However if it’s a slow creeper like Rabies then you can hack off at a leisurely pace.

It just goes to show once again than in the fight against Zombieism knowledge really can save your life. And stop you from making a limbless fool of yourself in front of your friends.

Many thanks to Dr Katie White & Dr Kevin O’Dell for their contributions to today’s ZomBlog.

Some exciting news this week. Zombie Science 1Z - The Textbook has now been released and is available to purchase online at Amazon, get your copy today. 

For those wishing to enrol in Zombie Science 1Z in the Glasgow area there are still three possible lectures to go to, details below.

Keep up your studies now students,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep is head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies and Zombiologist Royal to Her Majesty the Queen

Glasgow International Comedy Festival:

Thursday’s 24^th, 31^st March & 7^th April 2011

Qudos at QMU, 22 University Gardens, Glasgow

Show: 2000 (8pm) Tickets: £5/3 Age 18+

Book tickets: http://www.glasgowcomedyfestival.com/show.aspx?v=ZombieScience1Z

Bibliography:

G.M. Baer, W.F. Cleary: Model in Mice of the Pathogenesis and Treatment of Rabies – The Journal of Infectious Diseases (1972) http://www.jstor.org/pss/30110879

Carry on Zombie

Hello Zombiology Students,

Aside from falling off the pier my trip to Brighton for their science festival last weekend was a resounding success. Whilst chatting to some students at the end I was asked an interesting question, could people be carriers of Zombieism but not show symptoms.

The term for someone who carries an infectious disease but displays none of the symptoms is an asymptomatic carrier. Here at the Institute we believe that zombies are most likely going to come about as the result of a prion disease similar to mad cow disease (vCJD). So it makes sense to use vCJD here as a comparison. It is assumed that any population exposed to mad cow tainted meat will have a collection of asymptomatic carriers. This is because prion diseases have a long incubation period (usually many years) thus anyone infected but not developing clinical signs could be a ‘permanent asymptomatic carrier’.

Can these human carriers then go on to infect others unknowingly? Not unless we’re eating their brains. Prion disease is presently not spread through the air or fluid contact. To catch Prion Zombieism we must either: eat an infected meat product, touch infected organs (mainly brain) then an open wound/sore or receive a blood transfusion from a prion zombie.

If you’re not a cannibal it’s probably only the blood transfusions you need to look out for. Thankfully there may be a new development that will help us out with that. Prof John Collinge, with the support of the National Prion Clinic has developed an almost 100% accurate blood test for vCJD. It still requires refinement but it estimates perhaps 1 in 4000 will test positive. The next question will be how many will go on to develop the disease.

From a Zombieism perspective this test should be adaptable for our uses and might allow us to identify carriers from the outset. However we believe the initial source will be animal that will then be eaten by a human. This test might be a new tool for the Noah Project that is currently working to find possible zombie animals.

So the answer to today’s question, ‘can people be carriers of prion Zombieism without realising it’ is a firm yes. But, these people are highly unlikely to infect others.

Stay vigilant Zombiology Students and if you’re in the Newcastle area pop down tomorrow evening to my lecture on the Tyneside Cinema, 8pm. If you’re not in Newcastle other lecture dates are below.

Best,

Doctor Austin

Newcastle Science Festival:

Zombie Science 1Z & Night of the Living Dead Film Combo

Monday 14^th March 2011

Tyneside Cinema, Newcastle

Show: 2000 (8pm) Tickets: £7.70/6.60 Age 18+

Book tickets via Tyneside Cinema Box Office 0845 217 9909 www.tynesidecinema.co.uk

Glasgow International Comedy Festival:

Thursday’s 17^th, 24^th, 31^st March & 7^th April 2011

Qudos at QMU, 22 University Gardens, Glasgow

Show: 2000 (8pm) Tickets: £5/3 Age 18+

Book tickets: http://www.glasgowcomedyfestival.com/show.aspx?v=ZombieScience1Z

Edinburgh International Science Festival:

Saturday 9^th & Sunday 10^th April 2011

The Storytelling Centre, Royal Mile, Edinburgh

Show: 1600 (4pm) Tickets: £4 Age 15+

Book tickets: http://www.sciencefestival.co.uk/whats-on/categories/show/zombie-science-iz-a-spoof-lecture-on-the-undead

ScareCON 2011

Thursday 12^th May 2011

Village Hotel Dudley, Castlegate Park, Birmingham Road, Dudley, DY1 4TB

This is an all day event with Doctor Austin on hand to sign books, answer questions and teach Zombie Combat skills. It will be topped off with a 60 minute early evening lecture.

Buy tickets: http://www.scarecon.co.uk/

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep is head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies and Zombiologist Royal to Her Majesty the Queen

Run for your life

Hello Zombiology Students,

Please excuse the dramatic headline on today’s blog. It is in fact the title of an EP by New York singer songwriter Aaron Stoquert. He contacted the Institute to let us hear his splendid collection of songs about zombies and the feelings they might have. 

I was asked just last week after a lecture whether a zombie had feelings or not. Whilst the Zombieism condition does present a loss of human personality aspects in a patient it is ultimately impossible to know what is going on inside the mind of a zombie. They simply lack the ability to communicate that information to us.

Aaron Stoquert

So it is wonderful that Aaron has stepped in to creatively theorise about this aspect of the zombie and express his research using music. His 5 track album begins with the song ‘Bunker Hill’. The line ‘but your memories are always intact’ implies that deep within the zombie it remembers it was once a person. Whilst ‘Z’s never coming back’ sadly reflects on the present incurability of Zombieism.

CCTV Image of Davey during 'Mop-Gate'

Our favourite track, particularly with Davey the Janitor, is ‘I’ll see you again’. In fact Davey won’t go to sleep until he hears it. When his mp3 player ran out of batteries he took four students hostage at mop point. Unfortunately the Institute has a non-negotiation policy in regard to terrorism. But new students are enrolling every day.

‘I’ll see you again’ proposes a beautiful humanising theory about zombies. The second verse goes, 'cause I don't care, I don't care what you look like tonight. I don't care, I don't care, what you feel like tonight. I don't care, I don't care if we're alive tonight. Can you stay here throughout the night--be right next to me?’

Perhaps zombies do gather together in mutual loving support. Free from the constraints of shallow conceits like appearance. This track really does bring a tear to my eye every time. And although this fog’s up my glasses increasing my daily accident rate tenfold, Aaron can be forgiven for creating such a moving piece.

Who turned out the lights?

The sound of this album is reminiscent of musician Mark Oliver Everett the son of a Physicist I once knew named Hugh Everett. Run for your life truly is an excellent way to relax of an evening and contemplate the wonder of the zombie.  

We are proud to announce that tracks from Run for your life will be featured during our lecture tour as the Official Theme Music of Zombie Science 1Z. Do listen out for them and make sure you get hold of a copy of Aaron’s album, available at: http://aaronstoquert.bandcamp.com/

             

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep is head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies and Zombiologist Royal to Her Majesty the Queen

Party Rings, Brain Dissection & the Ministry of Zombies

Hello there Zombiology Students,

It has been an exciting few weeks here at the Zombie Institute. We’ve filmed a series of brain dissection videos for the lecture tour, signed a publishing deal for the Zombie Science 1Z textbook and Party Rings are two for one at the newsagent. Things couldn’t be any better.

I myself am just back from the big smoke, London that is, not Amsterdam. I was meeting with a marvellous fellow named Sean T Page who is the present UK Minister for Zombies. Quite a place the old Ministry for Zombies, they have their own chap who bakes fresh biscuits daily, astonishing.

We were discussing potential ways the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies and the Ministry for Zombies might work collectively. Usually science and politics don’t mix but zombies have a way of bringing people together for the common good.

Minister Sean is the author of the Official Zombie Handbook UK. This is a must have text for every household. It’s packed full of essential information, practical advice and it’s really rather entertaining as well. I can only commend the sense of humour used, when facing the possibility of popping your Granny’s skull in like a melon you have to laugh. Goodness knows I did.

Make sure you nip over to the Ministry of Zombies Official Site and don’t forget to pick up your copy of the handbook; they sell them in the Amazon apparently!

Overall I felt the meeting went well, Minister Sean seemed to really enjoy the gift of a homemade crossbow and I’m confident his secretary will eventually regain the sight in her left eye. But depth perception is somewhat over rated. I think we can look forward to some interesting collaborations in future, hopefully ones that will keep our country safe from the threat of Zombieism.    

Keep on learning Zombiology Students because in the fight against zombies the greatest weapon is knowledge, and crossbows, but mainly knowledge.

Best,

Doctor Austin

Doctor Austin ZITS BSz MSz DPep is head of the Zombie Institute for Theoretical Studies and Zombiologist Royal to Her Majesty the Queen